


as if i'm your last love

by princealliance (anaksemuabangsa)



Series: playing with fire [3]
Category: EXO (Band), NCT (Band), SuperM (Korea Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Bottom Kim Jongin | Kai, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Top Mark Lee (NCT), prose heavy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:54:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25566220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anaksemuabangsa/pseuds/princealliance
Summary: Mark wants to erase the taste of failure from his tongue.
Relationships: Kim Jongin | Kai/Mark Lee (NCT)
Series: playing with fire [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1851232
Kudos: 92





	as if i'm your last love

**Author's Note:**

> Posted on twitter 4 November 2019.

+++

Failure. That's what they call them. The vicious, vicious comments. That's what curls inside Mark's belly. Staking its claim every day as he wakes up, showers, dances, performs, looks in the mirror. Failure. That's what he tastes in the back of his throat when Superhuman stops at its second win.

He wants to ask the figure beneath him, the line of his body so alluring, back arched taut against the bed. Inviting. The expression on his face, half desperate and half demanding. Hot and endearing all at once.

Right now, with two fingers inside Jongin, Mark wants to ask, what does it feel like not to be a failure? And as Jongin looks up at him, plush lips parted in a blown breath, whimpers quietly, grinding down greedily on Mark's fingers, Mark wants do devour him whole. Wants to see if Jongin will erase the taste of failure on his tongue and replace it with something else. Something that tastes bright. Something like him. Wonders if he can make Mark forget what failure tastes like.

Mark adds a third finger and bends down to capture Jongin's lips on his own. Swallowing a quiet whine that spills out so carelessly from his mouth. Mark doesn't ask if Jongin is okay. Because he _knows_ .

Jongin will take whatever Mark gives him and doesn't ask for more.

There are hands on the back of Mark's neck and then Jongin is pulling Mark's face to the crook of his neck. Whines and moans whispered directly into Mark's ear with every thrust of Mark's hand.

"Mark," Jongin moans. Breathy and deep and intoxicating. The way he says it. Too reverent. Like Mark is his savior.

Mark wonders if he's like this with all this past lovers. If he adores them like this, too. Mark is no one's savior. No one's hero, no one's deity. But the thought of Jongin worshipping another person makes something ugly flare in his gut, makes Mark press his fingers _up_. Makes Jongin gasp and pull Mark closer. Makes his cock rub against Mark's abs. Leaking and hard since before they even got back to their airbnb. And isn't it something that Jongin instinctively pulls him closer instead of pushing him away?

Mark hums and kisses Jongin again. Draws it out until Jongin looks dazedly at him when he pulls away. Jongin once said kissing Mark is something of a wonder itself. And well, Jongin never asks for more than what Mark wants to give and Mark wants to give him everything.

Casual kisses becomes a thing, then. Even if Mark was never one for it. Before interviews, before performances, during practice breaks. Tomorrow too, in the morning, when Jongin will roll over and beam at Mark. Mark will kiss him, slow and deep. Jongin will pull on Mark's oversized shirt on his way to the kitchen. Broad shoulders filling it perfectly. He'll hum to a tune Mark isn't familiar with, will pour hot water over a scoop of green tea and Mark will kiss him, then. To give him everything all over again.

Mark is never good with words if it's not poured into carefully honed lyrics. Mark hopes he gets it. Mark hopes Jongin knows Mark will give him everything.

Right now, Jongin twists on the bed. Impatient, needy. Right now Mark wants to wipe out failure from his palate and vocabulary. Right now he wants to take Jongin apart, fuck into him until he's shaking. Wants to fuck him until Mark's name is the only thing he knows how to say.

Mark leans back, pushes in without warning, and Jongin lets out another gasp.

He presses a kiss on Jongin's chest, looks up. A warning. Once. Before thrusting with abandon. Pressing Jongin's legs apart and fucking into him hard and fast.

Mark doesn't relent his pace even once. Doesn't give Jongin time to breathe as he fucks Jongin's string into snapping, watches him unravel with every whine and every throaty gasp. Mark doesn't think Jongin even realizes he's been rolling up his hips to meet Mark's thrusts until mark grabs the sides of them and pulls out almost completely before slamming back in, pushing Jongin further up the bed with the force of it. Has Jongin wailing with how hard they're fucking.

"Mark, oh, M-Mark," he moans, hands scrabbling to find purchase on Mark's back.

He likes to be close when they fuck. Likes to be close in general. Can't keep his hands off of Mark even for one second. Thrives from touches and hugs and hands slung over shoulders.

In that, too, Mark will give him.

There are tears prickling the corners of Jongin's eyes and Mark feels a hot twist in his belly, knowing that he made Jongin like this, makes it so good he could cry from it.

He kisses Jongin's shoulder, can't help but say to his ear.

"Is it good, hyung?"

Jongin nods a little too enthusiastically, moaning a "yes, yes, yes, so good, so good, oh Mark oh please Mark, please—"

It fills him up, nevertheless. Satisfies Mark in a sick, twisted sort of way. Possessiveness flaring and twisting beautifully with the heat of his arousal.

He bites Jongin's shoulder, effectively punching another moan out of the older man. He knows how much Jongin likes to be marked. Likes Mark to bite and suck bruises into his skin. Mark would give him that, too. But not tonight, not when tomorrow Jongin will probably be put in clothing skimpier than Mark will ever wear in his lifetime as an idol.

"Mark, Mark, please, please," Jongin babbles.

Mark hums, grinds his dick against Jongin's prostate and sneaks a hand between them, fisting Jongin's cock while simultaneously biting at his neck, hard enough for Jongin to feel it but not enough to leave a mark.

That's what tips Jongin over the edge, whine ricocheting higher and higher until it becomes a cry. He cums beautifully, dick pulsing out spurts of white between them, jaw fallen slack and eyes screwed shut with pleasure.

Mark fucks him throughout his orgasm, only slowing down once a whimper grazes out past his lips. He stills, stays inside until Jongin comes back to his senses, blinking sleepily up at him in his post-orgasmic haze. Jongin looks up at his face from below him as if in a trance, fingers softly tracing Mark's temples, his nose. Mark shuts his eyes, sweat dripping down his temples with the effort to keep himself still and not fuck into Jongin's oversensitive body.

Jongin traces his eyelids, a hand finding its way to caress Mark's jaw carefully, the other slipping into his hair, running through the matted hair slowly. Mark turns his face and presses a kiss on Jongin's palm.

Jongin is doing it again, mapping Mark out like Mark is worth his time. Like Mark is an enigma. Like Mark is fragile in a way that Jongin has to be careful with him, has to be gentle. When Mark opens his eyes, Jongin's eyes is on his, more focused, filled with so much wonder it makes his heart ache. Mark averts his eyes and makes to pull out but Jongin tangles his legs on his waist. Pushing at Mark's ass and keeps him inside. Jongin holds him by the sides of his head, fingers tangling into mark's hair. He forces Mark's attention back on him.

"You haven't come yet," Jongin notes. That deep, deep voice sending a thrill down Mark's spine.

"I'm fine, hyung, I'll take care of it," Mark insists.

Jongin shakes his head. "Fuck me, cum in me," Jongin states. So casual and demanding at the same time.

Mark groans. "But hyung—"

"Come on, Mark," Jongin pulls him down for a kiss, biting at his lower lip, and it's Mark's turn to be unraveled. To be bursting at the seams with how much he _needs_ Jongin.

Jongin rolls his hips up, choking a moan out of Mark. That's all Mark needs, he rests his forehead against Jongin's and grinds against Jongin's ass, before pulling out and fucking back in without finesse, only his release in mind.

"Ah," Jongin moans, "that's it Mark, come on.

It has to be uncomfortable for Jongin, he has to be oversensitive already, but his face betrays nothing, only looks at Mark with the same expression he has before. He keeps his hands by the nape of Mark's neck, occasionally running it up and down his back.

Mark could feel it when his orgasm starts to build, makes to pull out again but Jongin whines. Shakes his head like a petulant child, pouting. "In me, Mark, in me."

Mark curses, his thrusts getting sloppy as his orgasm continues to build. That's when Jongin pulls Mark down again, whispers "I love you," in his ear and Mark comes with a shout, hips stilling as he empties his load in the condom inside Jongin's ass.

Jongin moans at the sensation, and brings Mark back down for a kiss. Easing the younger boy from his orgasm.

Surprisingly, it's Jongin who drags them into the shower afterwards, washing Mark's hair and stealing kisses under the hot spray of water. Jongin is cuddly after sex, even more clingy than usual if that's even possible. He also likes to be the small spoon, but does that matter? When they're curled up against one another underneath the warm blankets and Jongin won't stop smiling softly at Mark, won't stop looking at him like that. Like Mark is something amazing. Like Mark is worth looking at. He wants to tell Jongin to stop. Stop because Mark is not even half of what Jongin thinks he is.

"Please stop it, hyung," Mark says, gently, a pleading request in lieu of a snapping or a scold.

"Stop what?"

"Looking at me like that," Mark answers. It's vague and Jongin frowns at his words.

But Jongin only scoots closer, brings Mark's hand up to kiss, effectively putting a blush on Mark's cheeks like Mark didn't just have his dick up Jongin's ass mere minutes ago. He presses in close enough to kiss, enough for Mark to count his eyelashes. Every single mole on his face.

"I love you, Mark," Jongin whispers against his lips. "You're enough for me."

Mark suddenly finds it hard to breathe, chest constricting with too much too fast. He breathes deeply, swallows the feelings down into the pits of his stomach and presses forward. Into the safety of Jongin's kiss.

Failure still hangs heavy in his mind, simmers and bubbles patiently on the bottom of his stomach. But Mark thinks that like this, with Jongin, with every press of his lips, every touch of his hand, Mark can begin to forget.

One day, he'll shrug it all off, and Mark will finally say he loves Jongin, too.

+++

**Author's Note:**

> [cc](https://curiouscat.me/carrotbakehyun) | [twt](https://twitter.com/diorboybaek)


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